Somewhere around hour 18 or 19 of my road trip to California, I was devastated to arrive at the conclusion that I am getting way too old for this. I was thinking back to the countless cross-country road trips I did in high school and I could not remember it ever feeling this awful. I […]

Being a real person is exhausting. I am not entirely sure I like it, though I have not yet chosen to dislike it. This subject clearly needs a more comprehensive investigation. At the moment I have two jobs and I might be getting hired for two more. My life consists of work, the gym, reading, […]

I think I might be turning into a real person. I find the lack of long-term stability in my “jobs” comforting enough that I can still consider myself only vaguely employed. But this week, for example, I’m working over 40 hours between my mall-job and my job telling kids to stay away from drugs and […]

A week ago I was on 20sb and someone mentioned “the slammer.” My first thought when I hear that word is: Pogs. You remember pogs, right? They were one of the more brilliant ways we were manipulated into begging our parents to spend money on absolutely useless crap. Pogs were little 2 inch circles of […]

Last night I was watching television and a re-run of “What I Like About You” came on that ended with Val and Holly throwing chocolate cake batter all over the place. All I could think was, “Fuck, I really want brownie batter right now. Real bad.” So I changed the channel. I spent 30 minutes […]